Over the past month, Dr. Richard Besdine and his wife have been discussing whether to see family and friends indoors this fall and winter.
He thinks they should, so long as people have been taking strict precautions during the coronavirus pandemic.
She鈥檚 not convinced it鈥檚 safe, given the heightened risk of viral transmission in indoor spaces.
Both are well positioned to weigh in on the question. Besdine, 80, was the longtime director of the division of geriatrics and palliative medicine at Brown University鈥檚 Alpert Medical School. His wife, Terrie Wetle, 73, also an aging specialist, was the founding dean of Brown鈥檚 School of Public Health.
鈥淲e differ, but I respect her hesitancy, so we don鈥檛 argue,鈥 Besdine said.
Older adults in all kinds of circumstances 鈥 those living alone and those who are partnered, those in good health and those who are not 鈥 are similarly deliberating what to do as days and nights turn chilly and coronavirus cases rise across the country.
Some are forming 鈥渂ubbles鈥 or 鈥減ods鈥: small groups that agree on pandemic precautions and will see one another in person in the months ahead. Others are planning to go it alone.
Judith Rosenmeier, 84, of Boston, a widow who鈥檚 survived three bouts of breast cancer, doesn鈥檛 intend to invite friends to her apartment or visit them in theirs.
鈥淢y oncologist said when all this started, 鈥榊ou really have to stay home more than other people because the treatments you鈥檝e had have destroyed a lot of your immune defenses,鈥欌 she said.
Since mid-March, Rosenmeier has been outside only three times: once, in September, to go to the eye doctor and twice since to walk with a few friends. After living in Denmark for most of her adult life, she doesn鈥檛 have a lot of close contacts. Her son lives in Edinburgh, Scotland.
鈥淭here鈥檚 a good chance I鈥檒l be alone on Thanksgiving and on Christmas, but I鈥檒l survive,鈥 she said.
A friend who lives nearby, Joan Doucette, 82, is determined to maintain in-person social contacts. With her husband, Harry Fisher, 84, she鈥檚 formed a 鈥減od鈥 with two other couples in her nine-unit apartment building. All are members of , an organization that provides various services to seniors aging in place. Doucette sees her pod almost every day.
鈥淲e鈥檙e always running up and down the stairs or elevator and bringing each other cookies or soup,鈥 she said. 鈥淚 don鈥檛 think I would have survived this pandemic without that companionship.鈥
About once a week, the couples have dinner together and 鈥渨e don鈥檛 wear masks,鈥 said Jerry Fielder, 74, who moved to Boston two years ago with his partner, Daniel, 73. But he said he feels safe because 鈥渨e know where everyone goes and what they do: We鈥檙e all on the same page. We go out for walks every day, all of us. Otherwise, we鈥檙e very careful.鈥
Eleanor Weiss, 86, and her husband are also members of the group. 鈥淚 wear a mask, I socially distance myself, but I don鈥檛 isolate myself,鈥 Weiss said. This winter, she said, she鈥檒l see 鈥渁 few close friends鈥 and three daughters who live in the Boston area.
One daughter is hosting Thanksgiving at her house, and everyone will get tested for the coronavirus beforehand. 鈥淲e鈥檙e all careful. We don鈥檛 hug and kiss. We do the elbow thing,鈥 Weiss said.
In Chicago, Arthur Koff, 85, and his wife, Norma, 69, don鈥檛 yet have plans for Thanksgiving or Christmas. 鈥淚t鈥檚 up in the air depending on what鈥檚 happening with the virus,鈥 he said. The couple has a wide circle of friends.
鈥淚 think it鈥檚 going to be a very hard winter,鈥 said Koff, who has diabetes and blood cancer. He doesn鈥檛 plan to go to restaurants but hopes to meet some friends he trusts inside their homes or apartments when the weather turns bad.
Julie Freestone, 75, and her husband, Rudi Raab, 74, are 鈥減retty fanatic鈥 about staying safe during the pandemic. The couple invited six friends over for 鈥淭hanksgiving in October鈥 earlier this month 鈥 outside, in their backyard in Richmond, California.
鈥淚nstead of a seating chart, this year I had a plating chart and I plated everything in advance,鈥 Freestone said. 鈥淚 asked everybody to tell me what they wanted 鈥 White or dark meat? Brussels sprouts or broccoli?鈥
This winter, Freestone isn鈥檛 planning to see people inside, but she鈥檒l visit with people in groups, virtually. One is her monthly women鈥檚 group, which has been getting together over Zoom. 鈥淚n some ways, I feel we鈥檝e reached a new level of intimacy because people are struggling with so many issues 鈥 and we鈥檙e all talking about that,鈥 she said.
鈥淚 think you need to redefine bubbles,鈥 said Freestone, who鈥檚 on the board of , a Berkeley, California-based organization for seniors aging in place that鈥檚 hosting lots of virtual groups. 鈥淚t should be something you feel a part of, but it doesn鈥檛 have to be people who come into your house.鈥
In the Minneapolis-St. Paul area in Minnesota, two psychologists 鈥 Leni de Mik, 79, and Brenda Hartman, 65 鈥 are to what they call SILOS, an acronym for 鈥渟ingle individuals left out of social circles,鈥 and their need for dependable social contact this winter and fall.
They recommend that older adults in this situation reach out to others with similar interests 鈥 people they may have met at church or in book clubs or art classes, for instance 鈥 and try to form a group. Similarly, they recommend that families or friends invite a single older friend into their pods or bubbles.
鈥淟ook around at who鈥檚 in your community. Who used to come to your house that you haven鈥檛 seen? Reach out,鈥 de Mik recommended.
Both psychologists are single and live alone. De Mik鈥檚 pod will include two friends who are 鈥渟uper careful outside,鈥 as she is. Hartman鈥檚 will include her sister, 67, and her father, 89, who also live alone. Because her daughter works in an elementary school, she鈥檒l see her only outside. Also, she鈥檒l be walking regularly with two friends over the winter.
鈥淐OVID brings life and death right up in front of us,鈥 Hartman said, 鈥渁nd when that happens, we have the opportunity to make crucial choices 鈥 the opportunity to take care of each other.鈥
Consumer Resources
Public health experts advise that thorough and frequent hand-washing, wearing masks in public meeting in small groups and maintaining at least 6 feet of social distancing can help prevent the transmission of the coronavirus. The federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has more detailed advice on its website, including these pages:
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