鈥淭he future is here,鈥 the email announced. Hilda Jaffe, then 88, was letting her children know she planned to sell the family home in Verona, New Jersey. She鈥檇 decided to begin life anew 鈥 on her own 鈥 in a one-bedroom apartment in Hell鈥檚 Kitchen in Manhattan.
Fourteen years later, Jaffe, now 102, still lives alone 鈥 just a few blocks away from the frenetic flashing lights and crowds that course through Times Square.
She鈥檚 the rarest of seniors: a centenarian who is sharp as a tack, who carries grocery bags in each hand when she walks back from her local market, and who takes city buses to see her physicians or attend a matinee at the Metropolitan Opera.
Jaffe cleans her own house, does her own laundry, manages her own finances, and stays in touch with a far-flung network of family and friends via email, WhatsApp, and Zoom. Her son, Richard Jaffe, 78, lives in San Jose, California. Her daughter, Barbara Vendriger, 75, lives in Tel Aviv.
She鈥檚 an extraordinary example of an older adult living by herself and thriving.
I鈥檝e spoken with dozens of seniors this past year for a series of columns on older Americans living alone. Many struggle with health issues. Many are isolated and vulnerable. But a noteworthy slice of this growing group of seniors maintain a high degree of well-being.
What might account for this, particularly among people in the farthest reaches of old age?
Sofiya Milman is director of Human Longevity Studies at the Institute for Aging Research at Albert Einstein College of Medicine. She studies people known as 鈥渟uperagers鈥 鈥95 and older. 鈥淎s a group, they have a very positive outlook on life鈥 and are notably resilient, like Jaffe, she told me.
Qualities associated with resilience in older adults include optimism and hopefulness, an ability to adapt to changing circumstances, meaningful relationships, community connections, and physical activity, according to a growing body of research on this topic.
Jaffe has those qualities in spades, along with a 鈥渃an-do鈥 attitude.
鈥淚 never expected to be 102. I鈥檓 as surprised as everybody else that I am here,鈥 she said recently over lunch at a Chinese restaurant just steps from her 30-story apartment building.
Jaffe鈥檚 perspective on her longevity is unsentimental. She credits her genetic heritage, luck, and her commitment to 鈥渒eep moving,鈥 in that order. 鈥淵ou don鈥檛 work toward it: It happens. Every day, you get up and you鈥檙e a day older,鈥 she said.
This matter-of-fact stance is characteristic of Jaffe鈥檚 approach to life. Asked to describe herself, she quickly responded 鈥減ragmatic.鈥 That means having a clear-eyed view of what she can and can鈥檛 do and making adjustments as necessary.
Living alone suits her, she added, because she likes being independent and doing things her way. 鈥淚f a problem comes up, I work it out,鈥 Jaffe said.
In this, she鈥檚 like other older adults who have come to terms with their 鈥淚鈥檓 on my own鈥 status and, for the most part, are doing quite well.
Still, Jaffe is unusual, to say the least. There are only 101,000 centenarians in the U.S., according to the most recent Census Bureau data. Of this small group, 15% live independently or operate independently while living with someone, according to Thomas Perls, the founder and director of the New England Centenarian Study, the largest study of centenarians in the world. (Jaffe is one of 2,500 centenarians participating in the study.)
About 20% of centenarians are, like Jaffe, free of physical or cognitive impairments, Perls said. An additional 15% have no age-related illnesses such as arthritis or heart disease.
Practically, that means Jaffe doesn鈥檛 know anybody like her. Nor do her physicians. 鈥淢y primary care doctor says, 鈥榊ou鈥檙e the only centenarian who walks in without an assistant or a cane. You鈥檙e off the charts,’鈥 Jaffe said, when I asked about her health.
She has only a few medical conditions 鈥 reflux, an occasional irregular heartbeat, osteoporosis, a touch of sciatica, a lung nodule that appeared and then disappeared. She monitors those conditions vigilantly, following her doctors鈥 advice to the letter.
Every day, Jaffe tries to walk 3,000 steps 鈥 outside if the weather is good or inside, making laps in her hallway, if the weather is bad. Her diet is simple: bread, cheese, and decaffeinated coffee for breakfast; a sandwich or eggs for lunch; often chicken and a vegetable or restaurant leftovers for dinner. She never smoked, doesn鈥檛 drink alcohol, and sleeps an average of eight hours each night.
Even more important, Jaffe remains engaged with other people. She has subscriptions to the Metropolitan Opera, the New York Philharmonic, and a chamber music series. She participates in online events and regularly sees new exhibits at four of New York鈥檚 premier museums, where she has memberships. She鈥檚 in regular contact with family members and friends.
Jaffe also belongs to a book club at her synagogue on Manhattan鈥檚 Upper West Side and serves on the synagogue鈥檚 adult education committee. For more than a decade, she鈥檚 volunteered several times a week as a docent at the New York Public Library鈥檚 main branch on Fifth Avenue.
鈥淟oneliness, it鈥檚 not an issue,鈥 she said. 鈥淚 have enough to do within my capability.鈥
On a recent Tuesday afternoon, I followed Jaffe as she led visitors from Mexico, England, Pittsburgh, and New Jersey through the library鈥檚 鈥淭reasures鈥 exhibit. She was a wealth of information about extraordinary objects such as a Gutenberg Bible from 1455 (one of the first books printed in Europe using movable type), Charles Dickens鈥 writing desk, and an enormous folio of John James Audubon鈥檚 鈥淭he Birds of America.鈥 She spoke without notes, articulately.
When I asked about the future, Jaffe said she doesn鈥檛 worry about what comes next. She just lives day to day.
That change in perspective is common in later life. 鈥淔ocusing on the present and experiencing the here and now becomes more important to older adults,鈥 said Laura Carstensen, founding director of Stanford University鈥檚 Center on Longevity, who has studied emotional changes that accompany aging for decades. 鈥淎s does savoring positive things in their lives.鈥
Carstensen鈥檚 research group was the first to show that older adults were more resilient emotionally during the covid-19 pandemic than young or middle-aged adults. 鈥淥lder people are better able to cope with difficulties,鈥 she said. In part, this is because of skills and perspective gained over the course of a lifetime. And, in part, it鈥檚 because 鈥渨hen we see our future as shorter, it feels more manageable.鈥
Jaffe certainly understands the value of facing forward and letting go of the past. Losing her husband, Gerald Jaffe, in 2005 after 63 years of marriage was hard, she admitted, but relinquishing her life and most of her belongings in New Jersey five years later was easy.
鈥淚t was enough. We had done what we had wanted to do there. I was 88 at that point and so many people were gone. The world had changed,鈥 she told me. 鈥淚 didn鈥檛 feel a sense of loss.鈥
鈥淚t was so exciting for me, being in New York,鈥 she continued. 鈥淓very day you could do something 鈥 or nothing. This location couldn鈥檛 be better. The building is safe and well maintained, with lots of staff. Everything is here, close by: a market, the pharmacy, restaurants, buses. In a house in New Jersey, I would be isolated. Here, I look out the window and I see people.鈥
As for the future, who knows what that will hold? 鈥淢y joke is I鈥檓 going to be done in by a bicycle delivery person cutting through the pedestrian crosswalk,鈥 Jaffe said. Until that or something else happens, 鈥淚 live in a state of surprise. Every day is a new day. I don鈥檛 take it for granted at all.鈥
We鈥檙e eager to hear from readers about questions you鈥檇 like answered, problems you鈥檝e been having with your care, and advice you need in dealing with the health care system. Visit聽聽to submit your requests or tips.
